DOCTOR'S ADVICE: Would cunnilingus help her?

Q My husband and I don't know much about sex. We are in our early 30s and neither of us has ever had another sexual partner.

We love each other very much, but sometimes I take a long time to have an orgasm.

I spoke to a friend who is a nurse and she advised me to try 'cunnilingus'. Would that help me? My husband says he would be happy to do it for me.

However, neither of us really knows how to do it. And a friend of his has told him that new research has shown that it can be dangerous. Please advise us.

A Well, what you have heard from the nurse about the advantages of cunnilingus (which means giving oral sex to a woman) is correct. If done properly, it does provide a very efficient way of ensuring that the woman has an orgasm.

I must add that it is also important that her mood is right. She should feel relaxed and romantic. But it sounds like your relationship is already a very romantic one.

Unfortunately, your husband is not going to be able to be talented at cunnilingus overnight. Most men take a few months, or even a few years, to become skilled at it.

These days, there are books and websites which tell men how to do it. But basically, the idea is that he should use his lips and the tip of his tongue to stimulate your clitoris, and the area surrounding it.

Often, it is best to avoid 'aiming' directly at the clitoris and instead concentrate on an area around half an inch or so away. This is because the clitoris is a very sensitive organ, and direct pressure on it may be too much.

A recent book by a husband-and-wife team has claimed that the best place to aim for is a point which is located just 'northeast' of the clitoral head. In other words, if the clitoris was situated at the centre of a clock face, the man would aim at about one o'clock or two o'clock.

However, I have been unable to find any scientific research which backs up their claim. In practice, I would say that the best thing is for you to tell your husband what sort of 'touching' you like. Do not hesitate to say to tell him what you do not like and direct him to spots you do like.

If you both persevere, I am sure that you will find that this becomes an integral part of your 'love play'. It should also help to you in having an orgasm.

As to the dangers, it is true that infections such as gonorrhoea, syphilis or chlamydia can be transmitted this way.

However, these infections would not be present in the case of a healthy couple who are faithful to each other.

Cunnilingus can also transmit HIV, but if neither of you have the virus, there is no risk.

However, regrettably, oral sex can transmit humanpapilloma virus (HPV). That is the virus which causes cervical cancer in women.

Luckily, you need not worry about this if you have regular Pap smears. These can detect the cancer before it can do any harm.

But there have been suggestions that oral sex could introduce HPV into the mouth and throat of the person doing it.

And researchers have shown that cancer of the mouth and throat seems to have increased in recent years, particularly in North America.

The jury is still out on this new research. But the implications, if true, are very disturbing. As a result, I have no hesitation in advising persons to avoid promiscuous oral sex!

However, oral sex between you and your husband is clearly not promiscuous. And I agree with your nurse friend who says that it could help you have orgasms without much difficulty.

Q I am to have a colonoscopy, but I don't know what it is.

Is it painful?

A Please, don't worry. A colonoscopy is a very common medical investigation. The doctor inserts a flexible 'camera tube' into your anus and inspects the inside of your bowel (your colon) on a television monitor.

It is a little uncomfortable, but generally, the doctors give you some medication prior so that you are relaxed and so feel very little.

Go ahead with it. I have known cases in which it saved lives.

Q I am to have a mammogram done soon. Is this an X-ray of the breast?

And if so, would the X-rays be dangerous?

A Well, a mammogram is a special X-ray of the breast. It is used to detect early breast cancer, and sometimes other diseases.

If you have a mammogram every few years, that only exposes you to a very small amount of radiation, so the risk to your health is negligible.

Q I am a 37-year-old woman and I have not had intercourse for many years. But now I have met a new man who says he loves me and I love him too.

I would like to go to bed with him, except for one thing. From looking at myself in the mirror, I know that whenever I have an orgasm, my face has a very ugly grimace. I cannot help it.

I am sure that my man would be horrified by this sight. What can I do?

I would like to marry him, but I fear that we would always have to have sex in the dark, so that he cannot see my face.

A Relax, and don't worry. What you have not realised is that at the moment of orgasm, it is normal for women's faces to contort into a sort of grimace, almost as if they were in pain.

I can tell you that these days there are many sites on the Internet which show the faces of women at the moment of climax.

Furthermore, many men actually like it when a woman grimaces. It demonstrates to the man that the woman really is having an orgasm. He may even regard it as a sort of 'tribute' to how well he has made love to her.

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