SUNDAY SAUCE - Heaven or hell?

Oxy Moron, Contributor

Mr Ego is in old age. He loves his life and all that it has to offer. But, he's thinking about his imminent death. He's in love with himself and can't imagine that one day he will cease to exist in his present form. Though he's comforted by the thought of an afterlife, he's not sure how and where he will spend it.

First, the thought of being eaten bit by bit by small worm-like creatures is simply nauseating. Cremation is also out of the question. A prelude to Hell it is. Moreover, he can't embrace the notion that all he would be reduced to is an urn of ashes.

All his life he's been hearing of Heaven and Hell. "Two roads before you, make your choice," he has been warned. He has never given serious thought to any of them. Massaging his ego was all he was preoccupied with.

Now, in his twilight years, he has a problem with the Heaven story. There are questions for which he can't get answers. In what form will he exist? Physical or spiritual? It has to be physical because his spirit is not prepared to float aimlessly in the air forever.

If it is physical, how can a physical being live forever, existing on only milk and honey? Will there be barbers to groom him weekly, designer clothes, microwave ovens, flush toilets, washing machines, etc? Who will feed the lion and the lamb? Won't he be tired of singing 'Glory Alleluia' every day? What if an angel suddenly decides it wants to be a don?

Okay. He's come back to Earth and to the events of the last two weeks, to the living Hell that some people went through. Hell, yes, that's the alternate destination after he has made the transition.

Too much heat

Though he might exist in a physical form there, he's not going to tolerate the heat. He has been bearing too much of it on Earth already. Then, there would be that clash of personalities, his and Satan's, two gargantuan egos in one hot place. What a Hell and powder house? They would set Hell on fire all over in their war to prove who is don of all dons. And something tells him Satan wouldn't lose, he being the 'Original Don' and not Ninja Man.

So, out of that fiery place he took his mind, and serendipity! He found the answer just like that. Reincarnation! He's going to be back on Earth. Yes, death will only be a transition, a transmigration of his soul. Then, he was hit with the horror of horrors. What if he should come back as a dog-eating hog or a cannibalistic mouse or an avaricious cockroach in somebody's outhouse?

- oxydmoron@gmail.com