Minding your table manners

Tennesia Malcolm, Tips from Ten

In two days, Restaurant Week will have the entire country eating out. With prices that even the shallowest of pockets can stomach, many will venture out to 'eat up and live up', but let's not forget that there are rules that really should not be broken.

So if you are seeking to cut your teeth on fine dining, here's what not to do.

The first thing to remember is that fine cuisine and fast food aren't nearly the same. So that thing you would do while lounging in the KFC at Half-Way Tree just won't fly. No, guys, you may not step in with your baseball cap and 'wife-beater' merino and expect to be seated.

Dress the part; but don't overdo it. An Oxford shirt and a pair of tailored pants should be fine; and please button up - no excess chest hair. And, ladies, too much boob action just won't cut it. The only breasts of interest are those on the menu.

OK, all dressed, it's time for dinner.

Rookie diners might feel overwhelmed by all the utensils on the table. Just use them from the outside in, meaning you start with those farthest from your plate, and work your way in. Remember the knife works in tandem with the fork, so no need to engage your fingers in pushing food on to the fork. Keep those fingers off that plate!

And don't cut up all the food at once - you're not feeding a baby! Or are you? Because if there's a child with you, it's OK to dice his meal into bite-size pieces. But if there's no toddler in tow, cut off only what you're about to eat.

Sit and savour

It's fine to sit and savour; so don't feel compelled to cram too much food into your mouth at one time. Remember, it's not a race; you already made your reservations, so the seat is yours until you finish your meal, so tek time!

Stick to the menu. Yes, you can make a special request for a variation in the menu. You can ask them to hold the garlic, unless, of course, the dish actually has garlic as part of its name, in which case you need to avoid it altogether. Keep special requests to a minimum, as it's really not your personal chef there cooking. And don't keep sending things back, because you might get back more than you bargained for.

Please, don't forget the tip! Don't be the one to ask, "Then them not getting pay already?" Yes, they are, but decorum dictates that you leave them a (not-too) little something for their trouble. If gratuity is included in the tab, you need not leave them cash.

Further food for thought: Put those cellphones away while at the dinner table; the napkin is not for blowing your nose or wiping sweat; and remember to keep the sound effects at a minimum - no loud slurps and burps - and please chew with your mouth closed.

So now we're ready to dig in. Cheers to the week ahead!

(The Gleaner-sponsored Restaurant Week runs from November 9-17.)

Tennesia Malcolm is a subeditor and freelance reporter. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and tennesia.malcolm@gleanerjm.com.