Doctor's Advice: In love with an older woman

Good day, Doc. I am a teenage guy who is in love with a much older woman. She is married, and her husband does not know that I exist. I am crazy about her, and she says that she loves me. Sex with her is unbelievable. You see, I was a virgin till I met her. My worry is this, Doctor. We spend a lot of time on oral sex, which she prefers to anything else. But I would like to know if a person can catch any kind of VD from oral stuff? I have been fretting about it because she tells me that her husband plays around with other women. So if he brought home some kind of sex infection, could I then catch it through oral sex with her?

A: This situation sounds like BIG trouble to me. Let me begin by answering your query about oral sex.

Yes, "oral stuff" definitely can transmit most sexually transmitted infections (STIs). These include:

Gonorrhoea ('the clap')

Chlamydia

Syphilis

Herpes

Occasionally, HIV.

So you are right in saying that if that lady's husband caught an STI and gave it to his wife, you would probably get it. So if you are going to go on with this relationship, you should use condoms - even when she gives you oral sex. If you are giving HER oral love play, then it is possible to use a safety barrier, which is called a 'dental dam'.

However, my view is that you should NOT continue seeing this lady. I appreciate that you have very strong feelings for her, but it seems to me like you could be heading for big trouble.

Have you considered what would happen if her husband found out about you - as he probably will? You may perhaps think that because he cheats on his wife he would not mind that she is sleeping with you. But that could be totally untrue!

You see, unfaithful men are often very jealous of their wives' behaviour. So there is a danger that if this guy finds out, he might get extremely mad. He might even physically attack you - or his wife.

I expect you think that your relationship with this pleasant 'cougar' lady is going to last a lifetime, but statistically, that is unlikely. The odds are that it will end. And it would be safer to end it sooner rather than later.

Sore breasts

During my menses, my breasts are very sore. Is this normal?

A: Yes. Many young women find that their breasts are quite tender in the days just before the period and for maybe the first two to three days.

Usually, the soreness is in the 'tail' of the breast, that is, the part nearest to the shoulder. This tenderness is not an indication of anything wrong.

Itching from sex

Since I went with a girl in Montego Bay last week, I have had some itching around my penis. Is this a serious STI?

A: No. You either have a slight allergy, or else you have picked up a little spot of thrush, which many people in Jamaica call 'yeast'.

The itching should rapidly go away, but if it hasn't disappeared within 10 days, ask a doctor to take a look at your organ.

Worried about my cycle

I am 19. Does it matter that my periods are sometimes 24 days apart and sometimes 28 ?

A: No, it doesn't. Very minor variations like that are of no significance.

It's a different matter when women have menses that are wildly irregular, like sometimes 18 days apart, and sometimes 35. In those circumstances, a doctor's help is needed.

Prostate cancer concern

Doc, my boyfriend has just discovered that his father has prostate cancer. Do you think it is likely that he will develop this cancer as well? He is afraid to have a test.

A: Relax. The familial tendency in prostate cancer exists, but is not very strong. So I don't think he has anything to fret about.

I suggest that when he eventually hits 40, he should see a doctor for a check-up. By that time, the tests will doubtless be much more advanced.

'Cheeky' business

I have a rich French boyfriend. He is good in bed, but I am very surprised by one thing: Whenever we are having intercourse, he likes to put his finger between the cheeks of my bottom. I am not so sure I like this. Is it safe?

A: That practice is very common in France and in many other countries. It is known by the French term postillionage.

It is actually harmless, provided the guy washes his hands afterwards; but if you don't like it, do not allow it.

Missed medication

I was given some antibiotics for a urinary infection. On the fifth day, I took one of them an hour late. I have been told that this is dangerous. Is that true? I experienced itching of my hands a day or two after that. So have I done myself harm by taking the tablet late?

A: Sorry for the delay in answering your letter, but it seems like it got stuck in a post office somewhere. Anyway, you have absolutely no need to fret. Most tablets (not all) can quite safely be taken an hour late, and that applies to the antibiotic you were on.

The itching which you experienced cannot have been due to the fact that you took the tablet late. You probably just had a mild allergy.

Will I feel pain?

Doc, I am a guy of 18, and I have never had sex with a girl. In fact, I am very scared of women. What I would like to know is this. Is it true, as I have been told by my friends, that when a guy first puts his organ inside a woman, it pains him a lot?

A: I think your friends have been playing a joke on you. What they have told you is totally untrue. The reality is that some FEMALES feel a little pain when they first have sex, but males do not.

Is the Pill safe?

I am a female age 19, and I am probably going to start taking the Pill so that I can have sex with my loving boyfriend. But I have heard that the Pill can sometimes kill girls by causing a clot on the lungs. Is that correct, Doc?

A: The Pill is actually very safe for young women. But it is undeniable that very rarely, a female who is taking the Pill drops dead as a result of a clot on the lung. This is called a pulmonary embolism.

The danger of this happening is increased if you have any risk factors such as smoking. So when you go to see your doctor, check to make sure you do not have any medical risk factors.

Also, you should ask the doctor to make sure that he gives you a Pill which carries the lowest possible chance of causing a clot.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.