Let's talk life - Raising a happy child

Dear counsellor,

I would like some help in raising my children. I am pregnant with my first child and I want to start parenting on a good foot.

- Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Being given the opportunity to raise a child is a blessing from God. It can be challenging but rewarding and one needs to be grateful for the chance to make a difference.

Children need lots of tender loving care regardless of age. They need lots of nurturing, hugs, kisses, and praise. You need to separate the child from her behaviour. We need to emphasise the positive and reward good behaviour. Shaping behaviour using positive reinforcement is the skill that is needed. You need to praise effort and accept small accomplishments.

Behaviour change is possible with consistent and repetitive actions. Behaviours, whether negative or positive, will increase if they are rewarded. Therefore, you need to reinforce good behaviour however small the effort. Speak in a positive manner as if compliance is not a problem. Read about child development so that you know what to expect at each stage. Get plenty of help from family and friends and share with other families.

One of the skills that you will need to teach and model is self-compassion. A child needs to learn how to take care of herself. She needs to learn to soothe herself and comfort herself. She needs to learn to occupy her time positively. Unstructured play is important as she needs to use her imagination and fantasies. You will need to spend plenty of time with her. You can go on picnics in the gardens or by the river.

Some activities need to be unplanned and spontaneous. You need to have family time together as much as possible You will need to teach her how to do well at school, serve others, engage in the community, and form healthy habits. Show your child that you care for her. Listen well and communication will be good. Your child will need positive role models in the community to provide supportive positive relationships. Take advantage of opportunities to actually get into and spend time at the places your kids go.

Be the kind of person you want your child to be. Children need to be able to trust their feelings and control their emotions. These days we speak about emotional intelligence and self-control. Children need to be taught to assess risks and make wise decisions. Teach your child how to love, how to share, and how to be assertive. Keep smiling and the world will smile with you.

As a role model, you need to take good care of yourself and have good people skills.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.