Doctor's Advice

He thinks I'm unfaithful because I DIDN'T BLEED

Q. I have had a boyfriend for a while, and eventually, we had sex. That was when I lost my virginity; but I did not bleed.

A day later, he asked me to go to a doctor. The doctor confirmed that I was not a virgin anymore.

What concerns me is that I didn't bleed when I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. He has doubts about me now and thinks that I must have had sex previously.

He just won't believe me. I wan't to know why I didn't bleed.

A I notice that your email is signed with an Asian name. And in many Asian cultures, great stress is placed on virginity. Also, many of people who are of Indian, Sri Lankan, or Pakistani ancestry believe strongly that loss of virginity must be accompanied by vaginal bleeding.

However, this ancient belief is simply not true. Many women just do not bleed when they first have sex. If you don't believe me, check out the authoritative advice of the American Kinsey Institute at www.kinseyconfidential.org.

You are probably aware that girls who have not had sex possess a little vaginal partition called the hymen, or virgin's veil. This small piece of tissue is often paper-thin, and it may contain very few blood vessels or nerves. So when a penis breaks through it, there may often be no blood loss and no pain.

Therefore, the fact that you did not bleed when your boyfriend first penetrated you does not mean that you had previously had sex. If you and he are still together, I suggest that you show him my answer. And tell him to forget the idea that you might have had intercourse with another guy.

What causes prostatis?

Q I am a guy of 19, and somehow I have contracted a disorder called prostatitis. I am getting treated for that.

What I would like to know doctor is this. What caused it? I believe it is something to do with sex, and I must admit that I have done quite a lot of that.

A. Well, prostatitis is inflammation of the prostate gland. The prostate is a little structure, about the size of a small star-apple, which lies somewhere deep beneath a guy's pubic hair. The urinary pipe runs through it. That is why prostate disorders tend to cause problems with urination.

When you have a sexual climax, the prostate provides a good deal of the fluid that you produce. So this gland is important for a functioning sex life.

Inflammation of the prostate may cause the following symptoms:

Pain on urination;

Pain when climaxing;

Difficulty in starting to urinate;

Fever.

Now, why does the prostate get inflamed? Very often, it is because germs have got into it. Other times, there are no germs which can be found.

So far, I don't think that any medical researcher has PROVED that they are introduced into the prostate by sexual activity, however, I think it is probably significant that prostatitis is almost unknown in young men who have never had sex.

As it relates to you, the important thing now is that you must get cured. Please make sure that you complete the course of treatment that you are on, and do not have sex with anyone until your doctor tells you it is safe to do so.

When you do resume having sex, please protect yourself by always wearing a condom.

Would she know?

Q. Hi! I was wondering if a doctor could tell if you're sexually active, and if he could, is he allowed to tell your parents, assuming you are 17?

A. I presume that you are female. And I am wondering if you are about to be examined by a doctor. Leastways, that is how it seems.

Is this examination at the instigation of your parents, and is your mother intending to go to the doctor with you?

Anyway, if the doctor is experienced in gynaecology, she will be able to tell whether you have ever had intercourse. She will not be able to tell whether you have done it recently.

As it relates to disclosure to your parents, the ethical situation is that she should not tell your mother or father, provided that she is sure you are mature enough, mentally and emotionally, to know the implications of what you are doing.

But a problem might well arise if your mother is standing close by while the doctor is examining you. To be frank, the doc might be taken by surprise if your mom suddenly demands to know whether you are a virgin! So I think it would be a good idea to write a letter to the doctor before you go and see her. Explain to her what your situation is, and tell her how much your mother knows.

Tampon for birth control

Q. Is a tampon a good method of birth control as my girlfriend claims?

A. No, it isn't. Sperm can get around it and into the womb.

If you and your girlfriend are having sex, please go to a doctor or clinic to get good advice about contraception and safe sex.

Am I bisexual?

Q. I am a male college student age 20. I have had sex with girls just a few times. But in my sexual fantasies, beautiful women and handsome men seem to occur with equal frequency.

Do you think I am bisexual, Doc?

A Possibly. My advice to you is not to rush into sex with anybody at the moment. I think your college has a youth adviser who gives counselling sessions, and you should see him or her as soon as possible.

Could I get a vasectomy?

Q. I am a guy of 18. Could I get a vasectomy, Doc?

A. I would be astounded if any surgeon agreed to do a vasectomy on a guy of your young age. It is very rare to do this operation on men aged under 30. The guy should be absolutely sure that he has completed his family and wants no more children.

Pregnant twice

Q. Is it possible to become pregnant again when you are already pregnant?

A Yes. This is called superfetation, but it is incredibly rare.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.