Doctor's Advice: My boyfriend betrayed me

Doc, I would value your fatherly advice about my boyfriend, who has talked to his friends about our sex life. Last month, I gave him my virginity. I only did this after several months of careful thought. I had weighed up the possible consequences and decided it was time to go ahead and have sex with him. And I made sure that I went on the Pill first! So this was a very big moment in my life, Doc. I expected that it would be an emotional moment for him also since he, too, was a virgin. Well, Doc, the truth is that the experience wasn't all that great. He didn't really know what to do, and at one point, he hurt me. It was messy and was over rather quickly. I cannot truthfully say that I got much pleasure out of it. As soon as we had finished, I was surprised to find that he was acting in a triumphant way, as though he had won a battle or something! And he seemed to think he had done me some kind of big favour. But still, I was happy about what had happened, and I thought that somehow it 'crowned' the love between us. But a few days later, I was shocked when I met a few of his friends in the street, and it was quite obvious that he had told them about taking my virginity! They called out things like, "Did you enjoy it, then?" and "Why not give us some, too?" I was deeply embarrassed. Doctor, I am asking you: How could he do this thing to me? I feel he has betrayed my confidence.

A: Very sorry to hear about this. First of all, can I congratulate you on having the good sense to go on the Pill before giving up your virginity!

Now, the fact is that young men are often pleased with themselves when they finally manage to have sex with a girl. They feel as if they have climbed Mount Everest or maybe landed on the moon!

Regrettably, some young guys cannot resist telling their friends about what they did. And they may well mention the girl's name and say things like, "She was real good, you know."

Other young men are more discreet and regard what happens between a man and a woman as a purely private matter, which should not be disclosed to other people. But sadly, your boyfriend does not seem to fall into that category.

Whether you stay with this guy is up to you, but to be blunt, I feel that you could easily find someone else who is more discreet and who has more respect for women. Please think about that.

Finally, you report that your experience of 'first sex' was really not too good. I am afraid that that is often the case. Surveys have shown that many young women report that losing their virginity was a disappointing business. That is particularly likely when the guy has no experience whatsoever and doesn't know how to treat a woman and how to make her respond.

Still, matters could have been worse. You are clearly not pregnant! And I am sure you have learned a great deal from this episode.

Too many orgasms?

Doc, I am a guy of 19 and I am slightly worried about the amount of sex I am having. What I am going to tell you is very personal. You see, Doc, I suspect that I am having far more orgasms than other boys of my age. Last month, I 'totted up' the total, and it was actually 18. This was made up of seven climaxes through masturbation, five through sex with my girlfriend, two with a girl in Kingston, and one with an older lady, and also three in my sleep (that is, 'wet dreams'). Will all this do my health any harm?

A: Well, 18 orgasms a month is certainly above average for a guy of 19. According to the figures in the famous Kinsey Report, which are admittedly somewhat out of date, the statistical mean number of orgasms for a young man of your age is 3.32 per week, which means about 13.3 in every four-week period.

But climaxing rather more often than average cannot possibly do your health any harm. There are no medical ill effects that might occur as a result of all this orgasmic activity.

What does concern me is that last month you managed to have sexual relationships with three different women: your regular girlfriend, another young woman, and an 'older lady'.

Two questions immediately occur to me. First, are you using any contraception? Second, has it occurred to you that one or more of these partners might well be carrying a sex infection such as chlamydia?

What brand Pill should I choose?

I am 20, a Gleaner reader in the USA, and seriously considering going on the Pill. Could you advise me as to the safest brand to choose?

A: Regrettably, very few women actually choose their own brand of the Pill. I am afraid that generally, the choice is made for them by the doctor who prescribes it.

In theory, the medic should be aware of the risks of the various brands of the Pill and should suggest a brand which is least likely to cause the major hazard of contraceptive Pills, which is thrombosis (clotting).

Unfortunately, not all the doctors in the world have adequate knowledge of the risks of the various brands. So I would advise you to demand two things:

1. That the Pill you receive is low in oestrogen;

2. That it is not one of the so-called third-generation Pills, which seem to have a slightly higher rate of thrombosis.

Circumcision scar

My parents had me circumcised when I was a young boy, and I still have the small scar on my organ. I have not had sex yet. My question to you, Doctor, is this. Would a girl notice this little scar and be alarmed by it?

A: I think that is most unlikely. I have never known a female patient complain about a circumcision scar on her partner's penis.

However, if you are still fretting, I suggest you ask a doctor to take a look at your organ and tell you whether the appearance of the scar is within normal limits.

Could his discharge harm me?

I have managed to maintain my virginity so far, and fortunately, my new boyfriend feels that we should postpone intercourse till we get married. But I am puzzled by something. Instead of having 'full sex', he often wants to discharge across my breasts. Why does he want to do this? And could it harm me?

A: It is difficult for you to understand this, but men do have a strong instinctive drive to orgasm on to any available part of a female - particularly an erotic part like the bosom.

Letting him do this will certainly not harm you or give you any sexual infection, but please do not let the guy do it unless you are comfortable with it.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.