Basil Jarrett | Why Father’s Day brunches can’t fix broken men

LAST SUNDAY was another Father’s Day, another pair of socks and another needless brunch to celebrate dad when all he really wanted was to be left alone.

Let’s be honest. Father’s Day brunches are really nothing more than the remix of last May’s Mother’s Day Brunch, only this time wearing a shirt and tie. Society’s version of a participation medal for that other half of humanity that nobody really notices until something breaks or needs fixing.

It’s the only day when men are publicly thanked for “being present” without anyone really asking if they’re okay, if they’re coping, or if they even want to be there. It’s a quiet, performative “thank you”, before we go back to demanding more from the same group that we generally ignore and disregard, until of course, something else breaks.

BROKEN MASCULINITY

Last week I came across an eye-opening conversation between BBC anchor Katty Kay and NYU professor Scott Galloway. Galloway, who’s fast becoming the unofficial therapist for broken masculinity, laid out some uncomfortable truths.

In short, he says, young men are floundering. Record rates of depression, soaring suicide rates, joblessness and loneliness. A third of them aren’t in relationships and some are retreating into video games, porn, or the conspiracy-driven resentment that is the hallmark of American politics today.

If this sounds a bit familiar, then it should, because a version of that same script is playing out right here in Jamaica. Ask any teacher, guidance counselor, or auntie bawling about her “wutless” nephew, our boys are underperforming in school, under-represented at university, and over-represented in the unemployment line and the courthouse. We have a masculinity problem masquerading as a crime problem.

Like Galloway’s America, many Jamaican women are high-achieving, educated and upwardly mobile. But they are also good at mathematics and for them, the numbers simply aren’t adding up. If they can’t find emotional and economic parity in a man, they’re opting out of relationships, children and marriage altogether.

In America, two-thirds of women under 30 are in relationships. Only a third of men can say the same. In Jamaica, the gap might be even worse. Women are simply dating older men because they want more economically and emotionally viable men and can’t seem to find them in their age bracket. Just ask the growing sisterhood of single, brilliant, home-owning, degree-collecting, Audi A4 driving women who find themselves asking, “Where are the men?”

THE VIABLE MAN

This is where male readers start feeling victimised and the females start rolling their eyes. But the simple truth is that both sides need each other to win. Women are just as desperate for viable, emotionally present, economically stable men, as men are to become them.

A woman’s empowerment journey doesn’t end with a corner office or a PhD. Many women still want families. They want to build with someone. They want what Galloway calls a viable man, not just a paycheque, but a protector, a partner, a provider, even if she’s making more than he does.

Women want a man who holds space, not just takes it up. They want a man who shows up and doesn’t see their success as a threat.

And men? Well, we need purpose. We need someone to fight for, to build for, and to protect. It’s in our DNA. Masculinity, real, healthy masculinity, is about responsibility, not dominance. Galloway breaks it down into the three Ps: protector, provider, procreator. Men need to feel useful, and right now, a lot of us don’t. We feel used, certainly, but rarely useful.

THE FIX

But fixing this isn’t about rolling back women’s rights or asking them to lower their standards. Quite the opposite. It’s about levelling up our boys and men so that they’re worthy of modern partnership. That means rethinking education, getting serious about mentorship, funding vocational training and reclaiming spaces for boys to develop identity and community. What we need are hard conversations about emotional intelligence and healthy masculinity. Not another tired pair of socks or another mentally draining afternoon brunch.

This isn’t about men taking back power. It’s about building a better society for everyone because as stated earlier, women too need viable men. We need a society where a young woman shouldn’t have to choose between success and companionship and where men show up in their families, not just as financial contributors, but as emotionally present partners and fathers who are valued for more than what they provide.

Empathy, Galloway argues, is not a zero-sum game. Helping boys doesn’t mean hurting girls. Empowering men doesn’t mean disempowering women. The same way society, both men and women, fought for equal pay and equal opportunities for women, it now needs to fight for equal relevance for men in this changing world. Right now, half of Jamaica’s population is drifting, angry, and feels undervalued and emotionally disconnected.

So, no thank you. Keep your fancy Father’s Day brunch. Instead, how about offering a national solution to our real gender problem, instead of expensive plates of warmed-over curry goat and rice. Our boys need recognition, support, some guidance and a little direction, and our men need a society that sees value in them beyond their wallets. It’s a grim reality that no pair of socks will ever be able to cover up.

Major Basil Jarrett is the director of communications at the Major Organised Crime and Anti-Corruption Agency (MOCA) and crisis communications consultant. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, Threads @IamBasilJarrett and linkedin.com/in/basiljarrett and send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com